“I am not the sum-total of my birth but the person I have become
My parents gave me life but I chose how to live it
My nationality gave me identity but I chose to accept it
I am, what I am, because of choice
Not circumstance.”
February 2003 I woke up about 3AM in Lahti, Finland and wrote those words. They came to me in a dream .I had to write them if I wanted to go back to sleep.
Since then I wrote:
“We cannot expect our life's experiences to teach others the lessons we have learned.”
Many people marvel at those words but I doubt if most of them really gets their meaning. Just about everyone I know believe they make radical choices in life. For them, they are radical. I cannot attempt to compare my life with theirs... or they with mine.
I was born without choice, I came into the world at my appointed time and as they say, “by the grace of God”, I survived. The odds were against me but I survived. Thirteen sure times and I imagine Monday was the fourteenth time, I missed my own funeral. The odds never stopped stacking up against me. But, like the Roly Poly doll of old, no matter how many times I got knocked down, no matter how hard I got knocked down, I bounced back again... with a smile!
Today, I had lunch with two friends. We discussed news, politics and the way of the world. It was invigorating to me as I almost never get to discuss these matters with anyone. Whenever I have tried, the person or people I am speaking with tend to get frustrated or even angry at my opinion. Oftentimes people want me to talk but do not like what I have to say.
I watch live news from China, France, Russia, Germany and Europe every day. I watch American news on all available channels. I learn more than the average person because I have a myriad of sources to derive at an opinion. I once read that “nothing can be sliced so thin that there are not two sides”. It is the two sides that make a whole, not just one side.
Without knowing why, many people form opinions. Who is better, who is worse or less than. Opinions based on what they have lived to be true. No man (living today) can write the book on ultimate truth because it does not exist. Truth is relevant to belief. The bible reads, “as a man soweth, so is he”. This defines a person's truth.
At birth, each person received the God given right to choose. We chose to obey our parents when we were young. As teens we chose to rebel against our parents. As young adults we chose to be better than our parents. At some point, later in our lives, we chose to turn into our parents. We moved from one place to another or... stayed in the same place, because of choice. We had children or did not have children... choice. We chose a cat because it was low maintenance and did not require walking or we chose a dog that ate our shoes, tore up the furniture to maintain their control over us. No matter what the creature did, we kept him or her, because of choice.
I chose to see the world. To do this, I chose to learn more and be smarter than my peers so that I could compete. They went to college, I went to the school of life. Knowing that no matter where I went, I would be over qualified, gave me confidence to spread my wings and fly. No flight plan, no map or destination, no luggage. All I needed I carried inside me. A warm heart that opened doors for me. A generous nature that perpetuated the law of reciprocity for me. A thirst for knowledge combined with a aptitude for learning made it easy for me to seamlessly change professions and excel.
I could have chosen to blame the parents. There was the father that did not want me, the stepfather that abused me every way he could imagine and the mother who did her best in spite of having too many children. Imagine psychoanalyzing your parents at the age of seven. Most children got to be children at that age.
I could have blamed God for making me so dark that I was ridiculed throughout my childhood. I could have blamed the parents that we were so poor that we were poorer than the folks that were poorer than the church mice. I could have blamed the city of Chicago for building projects for us to live. I could have blamed the teachers that did not want to teach poor little Black kids. I could have blamed the whole world. A great majority of people who grew up under those circumstances did. It was their choice to blame, my choice to make a difference.
I have forgotten more than many people will ever know. I have had more than many people will ever have. My life has been encyclopedic. As unbelievable as parts of my life have been, it is all true. I made choices that lead me to the highest heights in society. My choices led me to 19 Countries and 26 States. I tested, tried and experimented but chose never to get hooked on anything. Not even alcohol or cigarettes.
Right now, in spite of what I am going through, I choose to listen to the words of Langston Hughes:
“Hold fast to dreams, for if dreams die, life is a broken-winged bird, that cannot fly.”
Everything in life is a choice. There is always another option. Whether we lead or follow, rebel or obey, the thing is to accept responsibility for the choices we make.
Ciao Bello, Bella
